This is my way of balancing out a universe in which people are actually voting for chick flicks.
Ahhhh, the 80's. The last decade in which it was ok to make a movie that wasn't about anything other than excuses for women to take off their tops. I was discussing this with a friend recently, and we were trying to decide which of the 80's boob fests was the truly defining movie of the genre. Which one did we most often stay up till 3am to watch on cinemax?
What's your favorite silly plot as a framework for constant toplessness?
Here is my list of fondly remembered favorites.
A cinemax classic. Every teenage boy who saw this remembers it fondly. No movie have more boobs per frame in history. Literally every woman in this film takes off her top at one point or another. It's true skin flick gold.
Blame it on Rio:
Michelle Johnson at 19, and a pre boob job Demi. Need I say more (har har)? This was Michelle's first movie, and when she appears topless the first time on that beach, it is astonishing in it's simple sexiness. A true classic. And the movie is funny!
And all girl school as only a teenage boy could imagine it. What, they don't really have pillow fights in their underwear all the time when they aren't showering together? Say it ain't so!
Reform School Girls:
The bad girl version of Private School. Knives instead of pillows, but still a lot of underwear and showering. I like bad girls, and this one is a personal favorite. Also includes Sybil Danning as the tough matron type. How is that a bad thing?
Too artsy fartsy for it's own good. This movie was trying to pretend it wasn't an hour and a half Bo Derek softcore porn film. But if you can see past the pretension, it is an hour and a half of Bo in all her glory. It pays off the sexual tension we developed while watching the movie 10.
Lady Chatterly's lover:
Was the artsy film Bolero tried to be. This was actually not a bad movie. And it really only has one women ever get nude. But as a teenager, this was the most erotic thing I had ever seen.
Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death:
This movie is the only film that had both Shannon Tweed and Adrienne Barbeau. There really isn't anything left to say after that, is there?
Ah, Shannon. Her name in the TV guide listings kept every male under 17 up till 3am watching cinemax. She never did a movie in which she didn't appear nude, and I respect that kind of commitment to your craft and medium.
Sybil was the tough girl version of Shannon. She was not afraid to play a villain or warrior princess. But she always played them as a villian or warrior princess with an amazing and often exposed rack. And that makes her very special.
She was an enigma. She had the goods, we all knew it. She has one of the most amazing racks in the history of cinema. Every blouse she wore strained to hold back its awesome power. But she would go whole movies without it ever being exposed. When you stayed up till 3am to watch one of her flicks, you never knew what you were going to get. It was amazingly frustrating, but when it DID happen (Thank you, for swamp thing. Thank you so very much.), it was an awe inspiring spectacle. To this day, she is still my favorite of the busty B queens. Frustration and anticipation make the eventual success all the more sweet.